Anders Leven (Living Differently) by Manu Keirse

Beyond the Finish Line: 5 Lessons on Living a More Meaningful Life, Inspired by Manu Keirse

I’ve always felt there was something fundamentally wrong with the path laid out for us. Go to school, build a career, start a family, and retire. So many people I saw seemed to postpone their lives, waiting for retirement to finally live.

I spent my teenage and young adult years wrestling with this. In my head, I was determined to go against the grain, but in reality, I was too afraid to stand out. I became a quiet rebel, questioning everything internally while obediently following the rules so as not to cause a scene.

Now, at 30 and established in my career, I've come to appreciate the life I’ve built and see its positive sides. And yet, that feeling of 'is this it?' never fully went away. A few years ago, I found a book in the library that resonated with the quiet, persistent thought that there had to be another way: 'Anders Leven: een pleidooi voor een humanere en meer verbonden samenleving' (To Live Differently: A plea for a more humane and connected society) by Manu Keirse.

I read it in a single sitting. Keirse, a psychologist, writes about ageing and dying, but more importantly, he offers a new framework for how to live a more meaningful life from start to finish. He argues that our collective script for life is outdated, and he provides a powerful alternative.

I’ve held onto my notes from that day, and I want to share the five transformative lessons I took away from his work. 

Now, as I share these lessons, I want to acknowledge something important. Some of the grander examples of 'living differently'—like taking long sabbaticals or drastically cutting back work hours—can feel like a luxury that isn't accessible to everyone. I've thought a lot about that. But what I took from this book wasn't about the grand gestures. It was about the underlying principles. It’s about the small, daily ways we can weave more life into our years, regardless of our job or our bank account. It's about recognising the immense value in helping a neighbour, telling stories to a grandchild, or simply prioritising an hour of peace for yourself. These lessons are for everyone, and they can be scaled to fit any life."

1. Redesign Your Life’s Blueprint

We’re living longer than ever before, yet many of us still cling to an outdated, three-act structure for our lives: 1. Education, 2. Work & Family, 3. Retirement.

Keirse argues this model is fundamentally flawed. We try to cram all our hard work and responsibility into the middle decades, assuming we can postpone true 'living' until we're 65. This not only creates a pressure-cooker environment in our younger years but also sets us up for an unfulfilling retirement. Those later years need a deep sense of purpose to be truly healthy and happy—something more than just "finally taking it easy."

• The Lesson: Stop viewing your life in separate, sequential blocks. Life is a blend, not a checklist.

• The Action: Intentionally weave the six essential dimensions of a full life—work, care, learning, leisure, connection, and spirituality—through every phase of your existence. It's about finding your unique balance now, not waiting until some far-off date to finally feel whole.

2. Nurture Your Social Roots

When I think of living a long, healthy and happy life, I mostly think about eating healthy and exercising. 

But what if the most important factor isn't on our plate or in our gym routine? Manu Keirse presents compelling research showing that the single greatest predictor of our longevity and well-being is the strength of our social network. In a world that often champions individualism, it’s easy to overlook this fundamental need for deep, meaningful connection.

• The Lesson: True, profound relationships are your greatest life-sustaining resource. It’s crucial to remember that online interactions can supplement, but never replace, the real-life connections we inherently crave.

• The Action: Be intentional about building a diverse social web from a young age. Invest your time and energy not just in your immediate family, but in lifelong friendships and community bonds. Cherish the small, daily interactions—a chat with your barista, a greeting to a neighbour. These moments build a society of mutual trust.

3. Become the Proactive Author of Your Future

While a long and healthy life is never guaranteed, a significant part of it is within your control. This requires a proactive mindset, starting today. The foundation for the vibrant 100-year-old you might become is laid not in your 90s, but right now.

• The Lesson: Your present lifestyle is the single most important investment you can make in your future physical and mental well-being.

• The Action:

  • Visualize Your Future: Take a moment to imagine what a happy, fulfilled life looks like for you at 100. This vision will empower you to make choices today that align with that future.

  • Live Healthily: Cultivate healthy eating habits and keep your body moving in ways you enjoy.

  • Ask Meaningful Questions: Regularly ask yourself: What am I living for? What gives my life purpose? This sense of direction is a powerful anchor at any age.

4. Bridge the Generational Divide

Our society often sorts people by age, creating invisible walls between generations. This separation leads to misunderstanding and prevents us from accessing the unique wisdom that each age group holds. Keirse sees old age not as a decline, but as a period of richness and "becoming more," filled with experiences to be shared.

• The Lesson: Intergenerational relationships are a two-way street of enrichment. The young can learn from the wisdom of their elders, and the old can be energised by the vitality of youth.

• The Action: Actively encourage relationships that cross generational lines. As a parent, help your children truly know their grandparents by asking about their past. As a grandchild, take the initiative to connect. These bonds combat the sense of irrelevance that older people can sometimes feel and enrich the lives of everyone involved.

5. Change Your Perspective on a "Good" Goodbye

We often treat death as a failure or a taboo topic to be avoided. Keirse reframes it beautifully: death is not a medical failure, but the final, integral part of life. How we approach it has a profound impact on those we leave behind.

• The Lesson: You live on in the memories of your loved ones. The way you die—the peace, acceptance, and love you model—is the final gift you can give them.

• The Action:

  • Contemplate Death to Live More Intensely: Thinking about how you want to be remembered helps clarify how you want to live right now. It doesn't make life heavier; it makes it more precious.

  • Talk About It: Have open conversations with your loved ones about your wishes for your final phase of life. This isn't a burden; it's what Keirse calls "an insurance policy for the preservation of your dignity."

  • Focus on the "Here-After": Shift your focus from the traditional hereafter (hiernamaals) to what he calls the here-after (hiernumaals) —the legacy of love and meaning you will have in the lives of others after you are gone.

    
    

In essence, I found "Anders Leven" a powerful call to live more consciously and to weave the threads of our lives into a richer, more connected, and more meaningful tapestry. It's about building a whole life, at every age. 

For me, it did more than just offer a new perspective. It helped heal the trauma I carried from the death of my grandmother when I was just 17, allowing me to look at ageing and, ultimately, dying more peacefully and serenely.

I hope that in sharing these lessons, you might find a piece of that comfort and wisdom for your journey, too.

Warmly, 

Vicky