Unlock happiness: the power of presence in a temporary world

How much of your precious 'now' is spent wishing for a 'then' that will never return? During recent chats with family and friendly faces on my daily walks the past few weeks, it struck me how often we collectively reminisce about days gone by, almost as if the present is merely a shadow of a brighter past. But what if that 'brighter past' is stealing the brilliance of our current reality?

Imagine driving your life while constantly looking in the rearview mirror. You might catch glimpses of where you've been, but you'll inevitably miss the winding roads and breathtaking views unfolding right in front of you.

The double tragedy: missing yesterday, losing today

There is a poignant irony in this persistent longing for the past. Not only are we yearning for moments that are irretrievably gone, but in doing so, we risk squandering the very 'now' that will one day become another cherished, yet unreachable, memory. It's a double-edged sword of regret.

To be clear, I believe we should cherish our memories. They are our longest and most faithful companions, reminding us of our journey, our growth, and the richness of our experiences. Looking back can offer comfort, perspective and gratitude for how far we've come.

However, this nostalgic reflection becomes detrimental when it eclipses our present reality. Imagine constantly re-reading your favourite chapter, so engrossed that you fail to turn the page and discover the unfolding story. That's what happens when we fixate on the past. We become blind to the 'charms and beautiful views' of our current lives.

The true tragedy lies in the realisation that one day, this very moment, the one we might be wishing away in favour of yesterday will also become a 'distant memory'. And what could be more disheartening than to look back on this time and realise we did not fully embrace its joys, its challenges, its unique beauty? We risk creating a vicious cycle of longing, forever chasing a ghost of time while the present, with its unique gifts, slips through our fingers unnoticed.

The "Aha!" moment: a personal awakening

For many of us, the realisation of life's fleeting nature does not come suddenly, but rather through a process (sometimes even a challenging one). Perhaps after navigating a difficult period, like a health struggle, a significant loss, or a time of deep personal reflection, the preciousness of the present truly crystallizes.

Personally, after a long period of intense sadness, when the simple act of feeling okay again was a revelation. It brought a wave of gratitude and a pang of sadness for the time that had felt lost. There was a mourning for the experiences that weren't fully lived, a recognition of opportunities that had passed.

But within that sadness came a powerful resolve: to truly savour the moments that were still to come. It was a conscious decision to shift focus from what couldn't be reclaimed to the beauty and potential of the 'now'. This wasn't about forgetting the past, but about choosing to live fully in the present from that moment on, honouring the journey while embracing the unfolding chapters of life. It's a continuous practice, a gentle reminder to myself that each day, each moment, is a unique and irreplaceable gift.

Finding comfort in what's fleeting

Interestingly, this understanding that everything is temporary can also be a profound source of comfort, especially during challenging times. Just as joyful moments are fleeting, so are moments of pain, sadness, and difficulty. Knowing that 'this too shall pass' can offer a sense of perspective and hope when you're going through hardship. It reminds us that no feeling, no situation, is permanent.

Reminding myself about the fleeting nature of moments, helps me truly savour every small moment as well. The ordinary evening walks after work I used to have daily with my dog and mom, I do remember thinking that while it seemed so mundane to us (and sometimes like a chore as well), it would not be like this forever. Soon enough I moved out and went for our daily evening walks with the dog alone. But rather than feeling the sadness when it ended, I was able to create a richer and more meaningful memory way before it ended, by acknowledging the finite nature of this time with my mother I was able to fully immerse myself in it. Instead of sadness, it became a heightened appreciation of what was.

This mindful awareness can be applied to all aspects of life, big and small. Whether it is a quiet morning coffee, a shared laugh with a friend, or even a challenging project at work, recognizing its temporary nature encourages us to be present and engaged. We're less likely to take things for granted when we understand their precious and transient quality.

It's about shifting our perspective from a place of longing for a fixed past or a perpetually stable future, to an appreciation for the fluid and ever-changing nature of life. By accepting that change is inevitable, we can find a sense of peace and resilience in the face of it. We can learn to say, 'I experienced that, I have those memories, and now I embrace this new reality with its unique possibilities.'

Presence: the bedrock of happiness

The link between embracing the present moment and experiencing greater happiness is profound. When we are truly present, we can be content with what is. No matter how fondly we remember the past, it exists only in our minds. The future, with all its potential joys and anxieties, is yet to unfold. All we truly have is this very moment.

To savour the 'now' -even the seemingly small or challenging moments- is to live truly. It's about engaging fully with our experiences, allowing ourselves to feel them, learn from them, and recognize their inherent value. Of course, we will not enjoy every moment, but being fully in them allows us to understand their temporary nature. The difficult times will pass and often hold valuable lessons or even the seeds for future great stories. The joyful moments become even more precious when we recognize their fleeting beauty.

The awareness of impermanence sharpens our senses and opens our eyes to the magic of life. When we understand that nothing is guaranteed, we stop taking things for granted. The warmth of the sun, the laughter of a loved one, the taste of a good meal. These everyday experiences become gifts to be cherished.

By shifting our focus to the present, we move away from the trap of comparison, comparing our current reality to an idealized past or an uncertain future. We find contentment in the here and now, recognizing that each moment in its unique way, offers something to appreciate. It's about training ourselves to see the gift in the present, rather than constantly searching for it in what was or might be.

Why do we get stuck in yesterday's grip

Understanding why we so often find ourselves longing for the past is the first step towards breaking free from its grip. Several factors can contribute to this tendency:

• The Allure of Nostalgia and Idealization: Our memories are rarely perfect replicas of the past. Over time, they often become filtered, highlighting the positive moments and softening the edges of difficulties or boredom. This creates an idealized version of yesterday, making it seem far more appealing than the sometimes messy reality of today. We might remember the carefree laughter of childhood summers but forget the sibling squabbles or the rainy days. This rosy picture can make the present feel inadequate in comparison.
  

• The Comfort of the Familiar: The past is known territory. We've already navigated it, and its story feels safe and predictable. The present, on the other hand, is constantly unfolding and can feel uncertain. Clinging to the familiar narrative of the past can offer a sense of comfort and security, even if it means missing out on the new experiences the present has to offer. This can be particularly true during times of transition or change.
  

• The Avoidance of the Present: Sometimes, our longing for the past can be a subtle way of avoiding the challenges or discomfort of the present. Perhaps we're facing difficulties in our current relationships, our careers, or within ourselves. Focusing on a seemingly happier time can be a form of escapism, a way to avoid confronting what's happening now. This can be especially prevalent as we age. People might reminisce about their 'prime' years, a time when they felt more capable or vibrant, inadvertently diminishing the value and potential of their current stage of life. This focus on a bygone era can prevent them from fully engaging with and finding joy in the present, perfectly fine years still full of possibilities.

Cultivating presence: practical steps you can take

• Practice Daily Gratitude:

  • Start your day with appreciation: Before even getting out of bed, take a few moments to think of things you're grateful for: the comfort of your bed, the promise of a new day, a loved one etc. This sets a positive and present-focused tone for the day.

  • End your day with reflection: Journaling a few things you were grateful for that day is a powerful practice. It trains your mind to look for the good in the present, even in challenging times.

  • Simple gratitudes: Appreciate the small things – a warm cup of coffee, a sunny sky, a kind word from a stranger.
    

• Mindful pauses throughout the day:

  • Brief check-ins: Set reminders (or naturally prompt yourself) throughout the day to simply stop what you're doing for a minute or two.

  • Engage your senses: During these pauses, notice your surroundings – the sounds, the smells, the way your body feels. What is happening right now?

  • Body scan: Briefly bring awareness to different parts of your body, noticing any sensations without judgment.
    

• The power of breath:

  • Conscious breathing: Take a few deep, intentional breaths. Inhale slowly, hold briefly and exhale fully. This can be a quick reset button for the mind.

  • Breathing exercises: Try simple techniques like box breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) as a way to anchor yourself.
    

• Embrace single-tasking:

  • Intentional focus: Choose one task at a time and give it your full attention, putting away distractions like phones or other screens.

  • Mindful activities: Enjoy walks without music, focused cuddling with your dog, or paying full attention while cooking.
    

• Mindful movement:

  • Walking meditation: Pay attention to the sensations of walking, the feeling of your feet on the ground, the movement of your body, the sights and sounds around you etc.

  • Engaging activities: Activities that require focus can naturally bring you into the present such as sports or creative activities.
    

• Journaling for presence:

  • Daily reflections: Jot down your thoughts and feelings about the present day.

  • Intention setting: Start the day by writing down intentions to help focus your energy on the present.

  • Prompt ideas:

    • What are three things I noticed with my senses today?

    • What is one small joy I experienced today?

    • How am I feeling at this moment?

    • What is one thing I want to focus on fully right now?
      

• Mindfulness through meditation:

  • Start small: Try beginner-friendly guided meditations or maybe just a few minutes of quiet sitting and observing your breath.

  • Focus on the present moment: Gently bring your attention back to the present when your mind wanders.

Conclusion: the gift of your now

We've journeyed through the common human experience of longing for the past, explored the double tragedy of missing the present in the process, and uncovered some possible reasons behind this tendency. We've also illuminated the profound connection between presence and happiness and offered practical tools to help you anchor yourself in the 'now'.

Ultimately, the message is this: life is a continuous flow of fleeting moments. The past is a collection of memories, valuable for their lessons and the joy they once held, but it cannot be relived. The future is a realm of possibilities, exciting yet uncertain. The only time we truly have, the only space where life unfolds, is now.

It is easy to overlook the beauty and potential of our current reality, especially when it does not seem to measure up to a romanticised version of the past. But as we've discussed, these moments - the seemingly ordinary, the challenging, the joyful - will one day become the memories we either cherish or regret not fully experiencing.

So, how can you begin to embrace this fleeting now? Start small. Choose one or two of the practices discussed and weave them into your daily routine. Take a mindful breath. Notice the warmth of your coffee. Express gratitude for something you have right now.

Don't let the longing for a yesterday that will never return steal the brilliance of today. Open your eyes to the opportunities, the connections, and the simple joys that are present in your life right now. Because this moment, this very breath, is a gift. Embrace it fully, for it is precious, and it is yours.

Warmly,

Vicky